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The Blame Game

Now that I’m more in tune with my “inner self” and have subscribed to the train of thought that my energy and thoughts affect my life whether I want it or not, I’ve begun this ongoing blame game with myself. See that’s the downside of this belief system. When you realize you are the master of your own universe you have to own up and take responsibility for your state of affairs and ultimately, where your life is and where it’s going. So lately when things go wrong or something falls through, I find myself wondering what it is about my energy that is interfering with my life.

The truth, I suppose, is that it’s not that simple. I can’t wake up one morning and decide to be positive and have everything turn out just right. Not when I spent a large part of my life drowning myself in negative energy. You can’t unlearn some things and I’ve found that even now that I’m a more positive person than I’ve ever been, the negativity still has a way of rising to the surface and overshadowing everything else. It’s something I’ve been working on and I’m proud to say I’m amazed at how optimistic I’ve become. Where before I would give up on the world and shut myself off in blissful gloom, I force myself to shake it off and look forward to the things in my life worth being positive about. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even have to try anymore. I might want to shut down and wallow in my misery but I find myself quickly snapping out of it and looking on the bright side of things – which to be honest, when you have every right to be bummed out, can be pretty annoying sometimes. But it’s a change I’ve embraced and will continue to try and improve on.

So my progress is slow but it’s steady. In the end that’s really all I’m working towards – a more positive outlook on life. I no longer have the time to beat myself up over things that are outside of my control because the truth is while I’d like to believe I have authority over every minute detail of my life, I don’t. The things I can control are how I act, how I react to things and the way I choose to feel. And I truly believe that the more positive I am, the more positive energy I will attract in my life. That’s the one thing I’m holding on to.

The problem that I’ve found with the line of thought that everyone is responsible for creating their life and everything that manifests in it, is that it oversimplifies things. And I’ve long since discovered that in a world we’d like to see as either black or white, life is full of greys. The fact of the matter is we don’t live in a vacuum. That comes with a lot of implications and every day, we’re affecting one another in big and small ways. Sometimes we fall in tune with the wrong kind of energy. We can’t help the fact that the world is full of different people that bring different things to the table and that these things aren’t all good.

So inasmuch as individually we can work on our energy to reflect the kind of things we want to create into our experience, the world has a way of affecting us in ways we can’t always control.

But that’s not to start pointing fingers or find something to pin the blame on. I’ve just accepted it as how things are and it’s not something I’m going to let stop me from being the best idea of myself that I can be.

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