My biggest fear is losing my mind. And I don’t say that to be cheeky, or as a joke. I am legitimately afraid of suddenly no longer having any control over what goes on in my mind. I live inside my head so much and every now and then, it feels like I’m losing touch with reality. Sometimes I have to stop and firmly ground myself mentally because I get the sense that I don’t quite have it all together and it honestly frightens me. I’m not sure where this fear stems from. Maybe it’s because I consider my mind to be my greatest asset and there’s nothing more worrying than the thought of no longer being in control of it. But I try to tell myself this fear is unfounded and I’m fine. Except that’s probably what someone on the brink of losing their mind would tell themselves… right? I try not to dwell.

“A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

I’m afraid of dying. Of no longer being. Of whatever manner of fate awaits me in the great beyond. Heaven? Hell? Oblivion? My best bet is reincarnation, since when you break all matter down, it is made out of energy – and energy never dies. So I’m hoping to come back in my next life as an Egyptian queen (since the linear nature of time is only an illusion) or as a panda. Whichever wins.

Hi, I’m a panda.

I’m also afraid of snakes. I’m sure that needs no further elaboration.

And lastly… I’m afraid of never amounting to anything. That my dreams will stay dreams and I won’t have anything to point to and say “look, I achieved great things. I was worth something.” This is the fear I try my hardest to face every day: by acknowledging how baseless it is. I never want the motivation behind anything I do to be a need to prove myself to anyone other than myself. Because I am enough, by simply being the person I am every day. Regardless of how I measure up to arbitrary societal standards. And that’s something worth reminding myself every day until I overcome my fears.

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